The Body, The Brain, & What I Learned Last Week

Last week, I attended nine seminars and workshops at the International Coach Federation Toronto Chapter's annual conference.

Here is some of what I learned.

Changing states, with Marilee Adams

Marilee Adams's big idea is that when you think about a situation you’re facing, you can be in one of two states: Judger or Learner.

When you're in Judger, you're — well, you're judgmental. You're asking questions like, Why do I bother with this? Why is he always like that? What's going to go wrong today? Why do I always screw up?

When you're in Learner you're curious and open. You ask questions like, What can I learn from this situation? What led to this? What are the facts? What assumptions am I making?

Being in Judger is stressful and upsetting, and it locks you into a way of thinking that doesn’t allow for learning or change. By contrast, in Learner, you’re likely more calm or in a positive emotional state. Your way of thinking is open to learning, to differences, and to change.

The real value in Adams's work is her idea that you’re never stuck in the Judger state. You can actually shift yourself from Judger to Learner, and the way to do that is to change the questions you ask. (Her book is called Change Your Questions, Change Your Life.)

I learned about Adams's Judger/Learner idea in coach school, so this much wasn't new to me, but I refined my understanding with two new ideas: the importance of somatics, and the utility of Judger.

Somatics to change states

Somatics means "relating to the body", and in coaching it means paying attention to what's going on in your body as well as your thoughts. So, noticing what it feels like in your body when you're angry, when you're tired, when you're scared. There is a lot of valuable data in the body, if only you know how to access it.

Somatics fits into the Judger/Learner framework in two ways. First, your body can tell you when you're in Judger. Your shoulders might be tight, you might feel hot, maybe your heart rate increases. These are physical manifestations of emotional states that we might call frustration, irritation, or anger, which can result from being in a Judger state of mind.

Second, you can use your body to start changing your state from Judger to Learner. Changing your physical state can be a first step to changing your emotional or mental state, because the body and mind work together.

You might start by taking deep breaths, going for a walk, or drinking a glass of water. Then, after you slow down physically, it's easier to engage your curiosity and start replacing the Judger questions with Learner questions.

The utility of Judger

Judger seems like an awful state to be in. Who wants to be in Judger? Judgers are awful to be around! It's hard to avoid judging yourself for being in Judger.

But Adams pointed out that there's gold in Judger. Strong feelings are always an indication of something else, some value being violated or fear being stirred up.

So I learned to ask, What is this Judger state teaching me? What makes it appealing to be cynical about this situation? What am I afraid of? Meta-questions, if you will.

The Judger / Learner framework is interesting and powerful. You can read about it in action in this blog post by Marilee Adams about training her dog.

Coaching in the body with Arawana Hiyashi

Arawana Hiyashi does work that is hard for me to explain, because it's so very far from my own experience and understanding. The way I understand it, having only done one short workshop with her, is that she leads people through embodied practices — that is, physical movements and positions — to understand and solve problems.

The philosophy I grew up with (Western, English, educated, industrialized) supposes a separation between mind and body. More than that, it privileges the mind, thoughts and logic, over the body, emotions and intuition.

I no longer think that is a useful or complete framing: I think there's great wisdom in the body and that body work can lead to change. But I have a lot to learn.

Hiyashi led us through a couple of exercises. In the first, we were asked to work with a partner and take turns doing motions and poses. In the second, we were asked to express a stuck situation with two poses and some motion between them.

I felt awkward and stiff and ridiculous. I didn't understand what I was meant to do, or if I was doing it. I got stuck in my head, trying to decide if I should act out the situation, somehow, or represent it metaphorically, or (as I suspected) do something more organic and intuitive, although I couldn't imagine what that might be.

And all the while the pressure to do something, anything, as my partner waited.

It was mortifying. It was horrible. I wanted to run away.

(The Judger was strong.)

What I learned is that I have a long way to go in being comfortable expressing myself physically, and listening to my body.

The foreign land of somatics

We're in the land of somatics again, and it's a foreign land to me. I'm a cerebral person — I'm very comfortable with ideas, fact, logic and reason, and I've been praised for that all my life.

I'm also a person who was bullied for fatness since early childhood, and have lived as a fat person all my life. That means I've been told to reject my body, to hate it, hide it, and try to change it. I'm only just, in the last few years, starting to make friends with my body, appreciate its strength and wisdom, and learn what it has to teach me.

One of my coaching instructors, Robin Altman, has a rather alarming conjecture: The coach sets the ceiling for their client. Meaning, I can't coach you effectively in areas that I haven't sorted out within myself.

So, if anyone is hoping to get excellent somatic coaching from me, I'd suggest you give me a year or two to figure it out. Or we can stumble through and maybe raise both our ceilings together.

Much to my relief, the remaining talks put me back in my happy place: the brain.

Identity with Dr Akasha

Dr Akasha talked about inter-cultural competence and the role of identity in coaching. Coaching clients are often navigating a shift in identity, but even when they aren't, identity is really important and should be something that clients can bring openly to the coaching conversation.

So I learned that I want to overtly include discussion of identity in my coaching, or at least offer it as an area of conversation.

Neuroplasticity with Irena O'Brien

Irena O'Brien is a neuroscientist, and she talked about neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to rewire itself and adapt throughout life.

From her I learned that the conditions for neuroplasticity — which I think usually means gaining mastery of a skill — are that there should be a goal, there should be effortful work done toward that goal, and there should be repetition.

And also that if you stop doing the thing, you lose your ability to do the thing — neuroplasticity giveth and neuroplasticity taketh away.

O'Brien also talked about how to maintain good brain health. It's good to have a broad range of interests, to travel, read fiction, and seek out new experiences. Also, a healthy body supports a healthy mind, so exercise, eat healthy, get good quality sleep.

The thing that surprised me is that research supports calorie restriction and intermittent fasting for cognitive health. (I prefer travel and reading fiction.)

Nobantu Mpotulu and Ubuntu coaching

Nobantu Mpotulu has created a coaching framework named after the principal of ubuntu, the idea that "I am because we are" — our individual humanity arises from other people and the community.

From her, I learned the idea that I cannot be fully myself if you cannot be fully yourself — which is a wonderful way to explain why I do the work I do.

Michael Bungay Stanier and worthy goals

Michael Bungay Stanier (MBS) is one of the thinkers I follow most closely — I'm part of his community, The Conspiracy — so his talk didn't give me a lot of new ideas, but it was a chance to think things through again.

MBS talked about how to be ambitious both for yourself and for the world. He talked about setting a Worthy Goal, a goal that is Thrilling, Important, and Daunting.

Thrilling invites your body to tell you if a goal is worthy. Does it give you chills? Goosebumps?

Important invites you to expand your goal to change the world.

And Daunting helps you determine if you're being ambitious enough; as MBS says, it's by doing hard things that we achieve greatness.

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Credit

The image above is entitled The Ass at School (1557) and it’s by Pieter van der Heyden after Pieter Bruegel the Elder (which I think means van der Heyden was copying either the style of, or an actual work by, Bruegel). We were very fond of Bruegel in my family — we actually had a cat named Bruegel — and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about my childhood…